'I'm too smart for the 1st grade

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: 
'9.'

Principal: 
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: 
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the 
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

 

KHHHKJ Run #846,Tue 30 Oct

Run #846,Tue 30 Oct,

Hare: Besi Body,

Run Site: Penchala Link,

Please RSVP to Besi Body at +6019-9182277.

ON ON -Itchy Finger

 

Rusty old thing

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting his coat on.
His wife, seeing his unexpected behaviour, asks, "And where do you think you are going?"

He replies, "I'm off to the doctor. "She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.
"Hearing this, the wife starts struggling to get out of her rocker, then slowly goes to the cupboard and starts to put on her coat.

The husband now looks mystified and starts to yell at his wife, "And where on earth do you think you are going? "“Oh” she answers, "I'm off to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need a doctor for?"

She says, "Well if you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"

 

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I Love You

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you".

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it.. 
"Be strong, honey. I love you, too

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KHHHKJ Run #845,Tue 23 Oct

Run #845,Tue 23 Oct,

Hare: Speedlane ,

Run Site: Kota Kemuning,

Please RSVP to Speedlane at +6010-20666723.

ON ON

Itchy Finger

 

The Irish and Sausages

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"

Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. 

Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!" 

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't  even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."  

KHHHKJ HARIMAU Run #844,Tue 16 Oct

Run #844,Tue 16 Oct,

Hare: Pool Master,

Run Site: ECO Park,

Please RSVP to Pool Master at +6012-3021355.

ON ON

Itchy Finger

The Irish Virgin

The Irish Virgin!!!

 

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED "

Sex in the office-------

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
But she belonged to someone else...


One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you. But the girl said NO.


Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. '


She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.


Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his Pants down.'


So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.



She responded, 'The b*stard used coins!'




Management lesson:
Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!  

Overdue!!

Mr Brown comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody. "
The next day, Mrs Brown receives a telephone call from the Electric Company because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs Brown? ""Yes...... speaking".
Electricity guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Electricity guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files  HOW ?????"
"Yes ........... We have a system of finding out who's overdue"
"GOD !!!!!!...... ... this is too much........ .."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"
"I know that ........let me talk to my husband about this tonight...... he will speak to your company tomorrow."
That night, she tells her husband about the visit and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Electricity office the next morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at the office, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

 

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

 

World Best "Vehicle"!

Women, are the best vehicles in the world because:

2 beautiful headlights in front,
2 great bumpers at the back,
Self-lubricating when hot,
Finger touch ignition,
Automatic engine oil change every month,
Any type of pistons fit,
Multiple seating styles & adjustments,
Great accessories,
Highest mileage: 9 months with just 5 ml refill.

That's why MEN are dying to get a ride!!  

KHHHKJ Run #842,Tue 02 Oct

Run #842,Tue 02 Oct,

Hare: Drummer,

Run Site: Bukit Subang,

Please RSVP and state your contribution to Drummer at +6016-2115890.

ON ON - Itchy Finger

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